My Vehicle Trouble

muscle-car-1450136Of everything that I am planning, the most substantial one for me is probably the fact that I need to get a new set of tools. Like, OK, I have some, but I don’t really use them and I think that it’s because I am not really enjoying them. This probably sounds unusual but I think that if you don’t relish something you probably won’t pick it very much. So anyway, I am wanting to complete that. I am going to find a BMW repair Scottsdale shop too because my car has been having a weird light come on on the dash and I don’t know what it means and I figure that I should probably bring it somewhere. This will let me find out what is going on and I won’t have to be concerned about it anymore. I have been talking to a friend that said I should probably get this fixed soon because it might turn into a different issue. Cars are not something I know a lot about. Mostly I just know that I have a sedan because it has four doors and a coupe has two doors. Everyone thinks coupes look better but they don’t. I mean seriously, have you seen any? They are wonderful. And they are better because they have four doors so you can get stuff in them easier. My friend was telling me that he read something about a three door car but I think they are were talking about a fast back. I don’t know. It sounds awesome though.

There are different things I Need to do around my apartment but I will talk about those at another moment. There is a girl I know that I am thinking about inviting out but I don’t know if I should because I am a little bit nervous. I hate that feeling but it’s pretty normal. But yo know you’re supposed to be like hey, let’s do something and they she will say yes and then you go out but it makes it so scary to do so. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do. So I’m thinking about seeing if she wants to do something like that. I really should just do it though because the best thing to do is to be confident and then there is a greater likelihood that she will say yes. She is really cool though and we have been emailing each other.

My Things

My kitchen is quite cool. I mean, look, there aren’t many things that I really know about, but I know about kitchens, and I can tell you that mine is cool. I have this oven that has burners on it that actually function, I mean, I have had stoves before that didn’t really do what they were designed to do and they were difficult to cook on, but man, this one that I have is effective. So when I am making something like eggs, they heat the way they are supposed to. It has made me want to get other stuff for my apartment, too, and I am going to start with some patio furniture. Either that or some wrought iron garden furniture which, even though I don’t know much about gardening, I think would make a good fixture to have outside. It’s the kind of thing where I can go out there and it will give me something to enjoy.

So while I am talking about outside, the other thing I have been thinking about doing is getting a fence. Now, I don’t know if there are any rules or anything about that where I live, but I think that having a fence would section off my yard into a fixed area that would be more open as far as allowing people to stay within a specific division. It’s like, you have people over and they start wandering around and it’s like you guys have to come back here, so getting a fence would help with that. But really if I have some patio stuff out there as well that might entirely change the way they are mingling, too. But as long as I have people over it’s really a good experience no matter what we do.

And then the other thing I have been thinking about doing outside is getting a place to store my tools. I have a lot but I don’t really have much room to put them. I don’t have a garage, well, I don’t have my own garage, and so I have them just like in my sunroom and that isn’t where they should go, so I was thinking there is probably a unit I can get to put back there that will give me some good storage. But that’s something I will need to check when I am at the outlet for the local center for housewares.

Confidence Boosters

My friend is excited

He’s all excited because he just talked to a random attractive woman.

He’s shy.

I told him you did alright.

You saw a woman and had a casual conversation with her, just because she talked to you doesn’t mean that you have to ask her out. Maybe she didn’t really give you an opening. You just saw a woman who you thought would talk to you, approached her, conversed with her normally, and then you left.

It’s not as if you offended her or came across as some sort of weirdo by mistake, she talked to you, you gauged her properly. Keep it up, talk to the women who will talk to you and sometime it will pop into your head; ‘ask this woman out.’

When that happens you can tell her where you were going, coffee or shopping for whatever at some nearby store. Ask her if she wants to come along. If she doesn’t want to go for coffee or to check out whatever at the store with you then you tell her; ‘we could get together later.’ If she gives you two seconds, like she’s thinking about it ask her; ‘when are you free.’

You did exactly what you should have done. A mistake would have been to keep walking when you saw her and figured she would talk to you. Just keep talking to the women and sometime you’ll be talking away and you’ll go, you know; ‘right now,’ I gotta ask her right now.’ Do it then.

It might be easier if you approach just to talk and not necessarily have the specific intention of asking her out. If it happens fine and if it doesn’t then that’s fine too.

I mean everyone always says this, it’s about confidence. And I tend to agree, usually confidence goes hand in hand with good looks. However, there is always the exception to the rule, and individuals who know they are beautiful no matter their weight or body type and carry it well. Your bf seems to be someone who knows he’s a great person for x number of reasons and truly believes it, that definitely comes through in a personality.

However, when you don’t think of yourself that way, I think it’s very hard to change that fact. The ‘fake it till you make it’ doesn’t really work here either imo, because you end up coming off as arrogant or nervous about your own self. Just my theory and observations.

How To Compliment A Stranger

Can you just randomly compliment a stranger?

I dunno. I always fly of the top of my head.

“I love that smile”
“that might be the best dress ive ever seen”
“those shoes are awesome”

Who cares. to be honest when it comes to no strings attached spontaneous compliments people aren’t that picky.

The important part is to deliver it with a calm smile and your body language must convey that its a passing comment. If you look like you might stick around they will think much harder about it. If you are actually trying to start a conversation a compliment isn’t always the best way to go. For just trying to get comfortable walking up to girls you don’t know its great, because every girl likes a polite compliment.

Maybe people need to do immersion like Victor Frankl used to do.

I love Frankl, there was a whole group of psychologist that believed in confronting you’re fear, you must be immersed in your fear. They took it a bit far to say if you were scared of spiders, to put you in a room filled with spiders. Of course as in Psychology, than there are those that were more moderate, so instead, you are first shown a picture of a spider from 20 ft away, than 10ft, than in your face. You are than taken to a room with a single spider 20 ft away, etc.. until you get comfortable.

In the last 2 months, i’ve been on a kick to start dating. Not sure why, but I feel it. I’m 24, honestly never been on a date, already in that age where that’s sort of weird…i’d really not like it to be 25, 26, etc.

It sucks because I know logically the more pressure you put on it, the more awkward you become since it isn’t natural, or spontaneous…however, it’s hard to just ignore your self thoughts.

I’m glad that you said that though, that I did alright. I had a normal conversation and that’s just fine to leave it at that. I just know, I’d really like to try to find someone to share a life with, by dating and hoping to find someone that clicks. I don’t have to find a date tomorrow, or even a month from now, but I want to make steps toward making that a reality.

I tried hard during HS, didn’t care during college as I was pretty busy. It’d hit me once in a blue moon, but wouldn’t feel like I HAD to date. However, as of late, it’s been hitting me.

We’ve All Been Here Before

My friend gf’s appears to be taking a non-stop trip aboard the crazy train.

He keeps asking me for advice but isn’t taking it.  I think it’s the kind of thing where he knows he’s unhappy but keeps clinging to hope.

– his gf is being crazy and bringing the drama like there’s no tomorrow
– he realizes what is going on but is still “in love” with her and of course wants to make it work, same situation we’ve all been in

Here’s what I told him:

You know what you’re doing?

You’re romanticizing it in your head.

Oh no, my first true love! I love her so! I don’t want her to slip away! We could have something so great if only we could work things out! How tragic it would be if this didn’t work!

I know because I did the same thing with my ex.

Look, this is working for you on some level or you wouldn’t be putting up with it.

You can tell a heroin addict 100 reasons why heroin is going to destroy his life, and he will agree with you, but he will keep doing the heroin until HE realizes it’s bad for him.

You will keep putting up with drama and craziness from her until YOU realize that it is actually not what you want anymore.

Right now you’re still in “I want to make this work” fantasy idealization mode. You are the woman who makes excuses for her abusive husband.

Sooner or later you will actually realize from the core of your self that “this is not what I want” except rather than just acknowledging it cognitively but still actually wanting it and rewarding yourself by being sucked back into it, you will actually be repulsed by it.

It will be like if you’re walking down the sidewalk and you see a pile of dog crap and you’re like “eww” and before you can even mentally process what it is, your body has already stepped out of the way.

You will think about your gf and be repulsed by her craziness and there will be no conflict between what you logically know is correct and what you actually want emotionally.

Your brain will go “this girl is bad news. Avoid.”

But the only way you’ll get there is when you realize for yourself that you deserve more respect than she is giving you.

Here’s one way I used to look at it:

How would you feel if your parents were there watching her be a crazy person?