Disliking Your Job

angryI woke up this morning and like most mornings lately I am exhausted. I am having a real hard time getting to sleep at night and I’m not sure what is going on. I used to be able to fall asleep like a baby.

I do have a general idea of the reason behind it and it starts and ends with my job. I started working at this new firm a few months ago and my stress levels are at an all time high. I try not to bring my work home with me but that is easier said than done a lot of time.

I have been thinking about buying some cbd oil online to help me sleep. My friend Emily recommended I start taking it. She takes it for pain relief herself. A few months ago she got rear ended by a truck while sitting at a stop light. Her back has been messed up ever since even after multiple trips to the chiropractor. She said taking cbd oil has been a lifesaver for her.

I think getting back into the gym will help me out too. I sort of stopped going when I started my new job. I was just so mentally exhausted when I started that I had no energy to go after work. I did still go on the weekends in the beginning but that slowly started to go by the wayside too. It is just so much pressure at my job to perform and stand out from everyone else. It is the only way you move up there and everyone is gunning for it.
I have one sort of work friend there named Mark. He started about a year before me. He sits by me so naturally we have started to talk.
He told me just to keep at it and eventually the power that be will take notice. He’s already gotten three bumps in pay since he has been there so that is encouraging. I could use a nice bump myself as money and my lack of it is something else I am always stressing out over. The rent where I’m living at now just went up $150 which is quite a lot. It almost made me decide to move. I actually looked around and didn’t really see anywhere worth moving to so I decided to stay put. The whole process of moving stresses me out so much that I would have had to find a really nice affordable place to even consider it.
I guess I’m going to go get some more coffee so I can get on about my day without being a complete zombie. I have a couple of things I want to get done today then am hoping to be back in time to watch the World Series game. I’m not a big baseball fan but I am rooting for the Dodgers. Boston wins all the time between the Patriots and Bruins too and even the Celtics this year look really good.
My car needs an oil change and while I’m there I guess I’ll ask them about getting some winter tires put on. I remember last year when it snowed I had a hard time getting around. I don’t want to deal with that again especially going to work. I have a 40 minute commute in the mornings now which will be over an hour when it snows I’m sure. The last thing I need is to be stressing out about getting there on time. I’ll have to see what they say. I also need to get some groceries as my fridge is bare bones at the moment.

Back To Exercising

posingTomorrow starts my goal of running a 5k. I have been thinking about it for a while now but have had to get in the right mindset to actually do it. I know myself and if I’m not in the right frame of mind going into something like this I am going to fail miserably. It was that way when I decided to quit smoking a few years ago. I must have tried about 4 different times before I finally did it the right way. The right way in case you are wondering is going full on cold turkey. I am a firm believer that is the only way to quit. Using a patch or gum or cutting back until you cut back to none are all recipes for failure. I am so glad that I did because I can’t believe the price for a pack of cigarettes these days. I don’t know if I could even afford to smoke if I wanted to. I was a half a pack smoker during the week and closer to a full pack on the weekends. That would add up to a lot of money quick these days. It wasn’t even all that cheap back then but I somehow made it work.

The reasons I want to run a 5k are many. The biggest one being that I really do need to get into some kind of shape.  I’m going to be 40 years old soon and while I’m not obese or anything I’m also not what you would call physically fit. I know the older I get the harder it is going to be so I want to do something now. There is a race next year in February that is my target. That gives me a little over 4 months to get ready. I know with that amount of time I could probably run a lot farther but that goes back to me being realistic in my goals. I don’t want to shoot for a full marathon when I have never run a race before in my life. I’ll work my way up to that eventually if I am so inclined to do so. I’m not really sure that running 26 miles at a time is something I’m going to be interested in but you never know.

My friend Steve is into running and he is going to be my unofficial trainer. We’re going tomorrow morning to a running store to get me a new pair of shoes. According to him a good pair of shoes is the most important thing when you are starting out. I’m just going to trust him on that one since he does know a lot more about it than I do at this point. Afterwards we are going to a local forest preserve to see how the shoes do. I guess I should have stated before this that I’m going to be running on trails not on road races. I have no interest in running on asphalt. I want to be out in the woods on a trail when I’m running. Steve has a whole training plan mapped out for me that I have to follow. I’m going to start by more or less walking for a couple of weeks. I can mix in some very slow jogging when I feel up for it but he doesn’t want me to overdo it and hurt myself. He said I’m going to be using muscles that I haven’t used in a long time so I need to work into it especially at my age. That made sense to me. That last thing I want is to hurt myself before I even get started.

My Vehicle Trouble

muscle-car-1450136Of everything that I am planning, the most substantial one for me is probably the fact that I need to get a new set of tools. Like, OK, I have some, but I don’t really use them and I think that it’s because I am not really enjoying them. This probably sounds unusual but I think that if you don’t relish something you probably won’t pick it very much. So anyway, I am wanting to complete that. I am going to find a BMW repair Scottsdale shop too because my car has been having a weird light come on on the dash and I don’t know what it means and I figure that I should probably bring it somewhere. This will let me find out what is going on and I won’t have to be concerned about it anymore. I have been talking to a friend that said I should probably get this fixed soon because it might turn into a different issue. Cars are not something I know a lot about. Mostly I just know that I have a sedan because it has four doors and a coupe has two doors. Everyone thinks coupes look better but they don’t. I mean seriously, have you seen any? They are wonderful. And they are better because they have four doors so you can get stuff in them easier. My friend was telling me that he read something about a three door car but I think they are were talking about a fast back. I don’t know. It sounds awesome though.

There are different things I Need to do around my apartment but I will talk about those at another moment. There is a girl I know that I am thinking about inviting out but I don’t know if I should because I am a little bit nervous. I hate that feeling but it’s pretty normal. But yo know you’re supposed to be like hey, let’s do something and they she will say yes and then you go out but it makes it so scary to do so. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do. So I’m thinking about seeing if she wants to do something like that. I really should just do it though because the best thing to do is to be confident and then there is a greater likelihood that she will say yes. She is really cool though and we have been emailing each other.

My Things

My kitchen is quite cool. I mean, look, there aren’t many things that I really know about, but I know about kitchens, and I can tell you that mine is cool. I have this oven that has burners on it that actually function, I mean, I have had stoves before that didn’t really do what they were designed to do and they were difficult to cook on, but man, this one that I have is effective. So when I am making something like eggs, they heat the way they are supposed to. It has made me want to get other stuff for my apartment, too, and I am going to start with some patio furniture. Either that or some wrought iron garden furniture which, even though I don’t know much about gardening, I think would make a good fixture to have outside. It’s the kind of thing where I can go out there and it will give me something to enjoy.

So while I am talking about outside, the other thing I have been thinking about doing is getting a fence. Now, I don’t know if there are any rules or anything about that where I live, but I think that having a fence would section off my yard into a fixed area that would be more open as far as allowing people to stay within a specific division. It’s like, you have people over and they start wandering around and it’s like you guys have to come back here, so getting a fence would help with that. But really if I have some patio stuff out there as well that might entirely change the way they are mingling, too. But as long as I have people over it’s really a good experience no matter what we do.

And then the other thing I have been thinking about doing outside is getting a place to store my tools. I have a lot but I don’t really have much room to put them. I don’t have a garage, well, I don’t have my own garage, and so I have them just like in my sunroom and that isn’t where they should go, so I was thinking there is probably a unit I can get to put back there that will give me some good storage. But that’s something I will need to check when I am at the outlet for the local center for housewares.

Confidence Boosters

My friend is excited

He’s all excited because he just talked to a random attractive woman.

He’s shy.

I told him you did alright.

You saw a woman and had a casual conversation with her, just because she talked to you doesn’t mean that you have to ask her out. Maybe she didn’t really give you an opening. You just saw a woman who you thought would talk to you, approached her, conversed with her normally, and then you left.

It’s not as if you offended her or came across as some sort of weirdo by mistake, she talked to you, you gauged her properly. Keep it up, talk to the women who will talk to you and sometime it will pop into your head; ‘ask this woman out.’

When that happens you can tell her where you were going, coffee or shopping for whatever at some nearby store. Ask her if she wants to come along. If she doesn’t want to go for coffee or to check out whatever at the store with you then you tell her; ‘we could get together later.’ If she gives you two seconds, like she’s thinking about it ask her; ‘when are you free.’

You did exactly what you should have done. A mistake would have been to keep walking when you saw her and figured she would talk to you. Just keep talking to the women and sometime you’ll be talking away and you’ll go, you know; ‘right now,’ I gotta ask her right now.’ Do it then.

It might be easier if you approach just to talk and not necessarily have the specific intention of asking her out. If it happens fine and if it doesn’t then that’s fine too.

I mean everyone always says this, it’s about confidence. And I tend to agree, usually confidence goes hand in hand with good looks. However, there is always the exception to the rule, and individuals who know they are beautiful no matter their weight or body type and carry it well. Your bf seems to be someone who knows he’s a great person for x number of reasons and truly believes it, that definitely comes through in a personality.

However, when you don’t think of yourself that way, I think it’s very hard to change that fact. The ‘fake it till you make it’ doesn’t really work here either imo, because you end up coming off as arrogant or nervous about your own self. Just my theory and observations.

How To Compliment A Stranger

Can you just randomly compliment a stranger?

I dunno. I always fly of the top of my head.

“I love that smile”
“that might be the best dress ive ever seen”
“those shoes are awesome”

Who cares. to be honest when it comes to no strings attached spontaneous compliments people aren’t that picky.

The important part is to deliver it with a calm smile and your body language must convey that its a passing comment. If you look like you might stick around they will think much harder about it. If you are actually trying to start a conversation a compliment isn’t always the best way to go. For just trying to get comfortable walking up to girls you don’t know its great, because every girl likes a polite compliment.

Maybe people need to do immersion like Victor Frankl used to do.

I love Frankl, there was a whole group of psychologist that believed in confronting you’re fear, you must be immersed in your fear. They took it a bit far to say if you were scared of spiders, to put you in a room filled with spiders. Of course as in Psychology, than there are those that were more moderate, so instead, you are first shown a picture of a spider from 20 ft away, than 10ft, than in your face. You are than taken to a room with a single spider 20 ft away, etc.. until you get comfortable.

In the last 2 months, i’ve been on a kick to start dating. Not sure why, but I feel it. I’m 24, honestly never been on a date, already in that age where that’s sort of weird…i’d really not like it to be 25, 26, etc.

It sucks because I know logically the more pressure you put on it, the more awkward you become since it isn’t natural, or spontaneous…however, it’s hard to just ignore your self thoughts.

I’m glad that you said that though, that I did alright. I had a normal conversation and that’s just fine to leave it at that. I just know, I’d really like to try to find someone to share a life with, by dating and hoping to find someone that clicks. I don’t have to find a date tomorrow, or even a month from now, but I want to make steps toward making that a reality.

I tried hard during HS, didn’t care during college as I was pretty busy. It’d hit me once in a blue moon, but wouldn’t feel like I HAD to date. However, as of late, it’s been hitting me.

We’ve All Been Here Before

My friend gf’s appears to be taking a non-stop trip aboard the crazy train.

He keeps asking me for advice but isn’t taking it.  I think it’s the kind of thing where he knows he’s unhappy but keeps clinging to hope.

– his gf is being crazy and bringing the drama like there’s no tomorrow
– he realizes what is going on but is still “in love” with her and of course wants to make it work, same situation we’ve all been in

Here’s what I told him:

You know what you’re doing?

You’re romanticizing it in your head.

Oh no, my first true love! I love her so! I don’t want her to slip away! We could have something so great if only we could work things out! How tragic it would be if this didn’t work!

I know because I did the same thing with my ex.

Look, this is working for you on some level or you wouldn’t be putting up with it.

You can tell a heroin addict 100 reasons why heroin is going to destroy his life, and he will agree with you, but he will keep doing the heroin until HE realizes it’s bad for him.

You will keep putting up with drama and craziness from her until YOU realize that it is actually not what you want anymore.

Right now you’re still in “I want to make this work” fantasy idealization mode. You are the woman who makes excuses for her abusive husband.

Sooner or later you will actually realize from the core of your self that “this is not what I want” except rather than just acknowledging it cognitively but still actually wanting it and rewarding yourself by being sucked back into it, you will actually be repulsed by it.

It will be like if you’re walking down the sidewalk and you see a pile of dog crap and you’re like “eww” and before you can even mentally process what it is, your body has already stepped out of the way.

You will think about your gf and be repulsed by her craziness and there will be no conflict between what you logically know is correct and what you actually want emotionally.

Your brain will go “this girl is bad news. Avoid.”

But the only way you’ll get there is when you realize for yourself that you deserve more respect than she is giving you.

Here’s one way I used to look at it:

How would you feel if your parents were there watching her be a crazy person?